Bill Shatner says "bushy toupee".

As human beings, we share countless common experiences. One such example is the simple act of waking up after a night of sleep. Will today bring something positive, or new, or even astounding? The promise of each day is a never-ending cycle in our lives. But how often do we wake up and imagine that this day will yield an audio recording of Bill Shatner saying the phrase "bushy toupee"? Today is such a day...

The phrase in question is found in the audio version of Bill Shatner's 1993 book Star Trek Memories. Of course, Bill Shatner is not referring to his own toupee, but rather relating the story of how actor Walter Koenig was cast in Star Trek (The Monkees similarity, Pravda myths. bringing in a younger audience etc.) as the Russian ensign Pavel Chekov:

The key part in context:

In reality, the true motivating factor behind Star Trek's second season cast addition was The Monkees. You see, at the time Star Trek was beginning to amass its small but rather loyal following, The Monkees were exploding onto the television sets. These imitation Beatles quickly became a national phenomenon and fans of the Prefab Four were generally young, vocal and enthusiastic. Gene [Roddenberry] conjured up the character of Pavel Chekov as a close approximation of Monkees front man Davy Jones. Sure, Gene slapped a Soviet accent onto our new ensign, but one look at Chekov’s first episodes, and the bushy toupee he was forced to wear [until his real hair grew long enough], will illustrate the Monkee-mimicry point. Still, despite the silly coiffure, Walter eased his way onto the Enterprise bridge with a minimum of difficulty and his performances were full of life, energy and a remarkable sense of fun." [emphasis ours]

Now, to focus on the crucial phrase...

What's interesting here is that Bill Shatner wasn't forced to say "bushy toupee". It was his book, after all! He could have ignored or downplayed the hair point or just said something like "large wig". But instead he chose "bushy toupee" - a phrase that was certain to raise eyebrows across the globe. And only seconds later, he piles on with "silly coiffure" too.

Undertaking some toupological analysis of the key section of the audio recording, we find that Bill Shatner appears to say "bushy toupee" as matter-of-factly as he can. Fast, clinical, no stress, no emotion - "nothing to see here," he appears to be subconsciously saying. Indeed, the word "toupee" quickly morphs into "he" as in "toupee he was forced to wear" - another subtle sign that the author wants to zoom past this particular place as quickly and inconspicuously as possible.


Yet, the above is revealing in itself. One of the top toupologists at our Department of Psychotoupular Linguistics explains:

"The determined effort to not emote creates an unwitting subconscious tension in the words. Try saying matter-of-factly, 'today I cleaned up the house, went shopping, ran over the cat, returned a book to the library'. No matter how hard one tries to say 'ran over the cat' with a mundane intonation, there is an unavoidable tension in the words, because your brain simply knows how unusual that phrase is within the above matter-of-fact context."

Our staff using a specially designed touposcope to analyze the "bushy toupee" voice recording.

The toupologist continued: "Thus, Bill Shatner can't really say 'bushy toupee' matter-of-factly, because for him the toupee is such a hugely important object. But, he can pretend to say it matter-of-factly. Yet, in so doing, a tension dynamic is created that is itself revealing - and that is really what toupology is about!"


Star Trek Memories abridged audio version is widely available for purchase.

Poll result and where Walter Koenig leads will Bill Shatner follow?

Quite an even spread of votes, with the largest share of voters, 35%, believing that Bill Shatner's visits with his various hairstylists are all very formal and backed up with non-disclosure agreements. Only 10% believed that Bill Shatner becomes unusually unburdened and carefree in the presence of his personal toupologists, while 25% of voters believed the actor gets desperate and vulnerable in the pursuit of more believable hair. Thanks for voting!

Now, on to the subject of Bill Shatner's Star Trek co-star Walter Koenig. The guy has worn a toupee for years (he wore a wig for his first few episodes of Star Trek until his real, albeit thinning, hair grew out to a moptop length, but it wasn't until several years after TOS that the actor turned to the toup)...


...and, unlike the Shatman, he has been pretty open about his toup wearing...


...even mentioning the issue in his autobiography Warped Factors:

"[Makeup man Fred Phillips] leaned closer. 'Your hair is thinning in the back. You better come with me.'
...He whipped out a can of something called Nestles, Streaks and Tips. The brown spray covered the island of withering follicles at my crown and thus began my life of deception on Star Trek... and the resolute assault of male-pattern baldness was, at least temporarily, obscured by the magic of the paint can." (sourced here)

However, during a recent public appearance - for a screening of Star Trek V, no less - Walter Koenig boldly did something that he may never have done before.

Not only did he appear sans toupee, but he lifted up his cap and exposed his bald head for all the world to see.

Walter Koenig discussing a key difference between himself, Chekov and Monkees star Davy Jones.

Members of Star Trek's "gang of four" supporting cast have often felt overshadowed by Bill Shatner's immense, they would say overbearing, presence. And in the case of Koenig's toupee, this is certainly the case compared with Bill Shatner's. So was the above an opportunity to steal back some of the limelight from the greatest spotlight stealer of them all? Or was it a challenge to Bill Shatner? If I can do this, so can you...

We know Bill Shatner loves a challenge, and being so severely outshone (quite literally, as Koenig's head really is completely bald!) by one of his Star Trek co-stars - and all this happening during a screening of the Trek that Bill Shatner directed! - should surely be motivation enough for Captain Kirk to follow suit and reveal his dome to the world too!


UPDATE: Reader "RM" correctly points out that Walter Koenig has been photographed sans toupee before, during his work to promote democracy in the Southeast Asian country of Burma...


...video here and see Koenig's website for more info on the actor's efforts in pursuit of this cause.

Perhaps the most interesting thing is how little it appears to matter whether there's a toup or not once the initial plunge is taken. Although Bill Shatner, because he's elevated the toupee to a whole other level, as well as denying his toup wearing on occasion, would naturally face far more media interest in this regard than Koenig, should he decide to follow in his cast-mate's footsteps (and obviously, he's a bigger star too).

UPDATE II: Walter Koenig's website has linked to this article. Seems the challenge is real!!!

Shatner's toupee lobotomy analogy.

There have only been a few instances where Bill Shatner has faced direct (non-comedic) point-blank questions about whether or not he wears a toupee. Thus far, we've had the MJ Kelli incident (we ruled on Shats' denial in that case with out Shat-no-meter here). There was also a clear toupee denial during a 2008 interview conducted by the British newspaper The Telegraph.

Well, it seems that the British press has been at it again. We've located a January 2006 story on Shats from The Times of London entitled "Man of Enterprise". The article contains the following nugget:

"Once asked whether he wore a hairpiece, [Shatner] replied: 'It’s a question that I find like asking somebody, "Did you have a breast implant?" or "When did you get your lobotomy?" ' "

This is a quote that has since been picked up by a variety of websites including Wikipedia and imdb.com. Sadly, not one, and that includes the Times story, has provided us with an original source. But since we very much doubt that the respectable Times is in the habit of making up quotes, we will accept that Bill Shatner did indeed say this - when and to whom, however, remains a mystery.

The quote is interesting in that Shats essentially compares apples and oranges with his second lobotomy analogy. Lobotomies were a particularly severe "treatment" for psychiatric disorders which left lasting results in patients. The entry in Wikipedia notes that "lobotomies fell out of common use and the procedure has since been characterized 'as one of the most barbaric mistakes ever perpetrated by mainstream medicine.' "

Meanwhile, breast implants, provided that they are cosmetic and not necessitated by, for example, a cancer-related mastectomy, are in quite a different league.

But in fairness to Shats, we understand that he is essentially trying to convey that in his mind, the toupee question is a deeply personal one; a private clinical matter in which a toupee might serve to correct what he sees as a natural defect, in this case baldness. Or perhaps, the inference is that the questioner should feel as uncomfortable asking Shats about his hair as they might feel asking a lobotomy patient about their operation.

Yet many celebrities, including Star Trek co-star Walter Koenig, aren't quite as sensitive about the matter. Below is Koenig talking to interviewer Justin Lee Collins in the May 2009 show Bring Back Star Trek. The actor not only pokes fun at his own hairpiece, both now and then, but relates that the hairpiece is something that both he and Shatner had in common in the 1960s series:

Ironically, Bill Shatner mentions his co-star's on-screen (not off-screen) toupee in his 1993 book Star Trek Memories:

"...one look at Chekov's first couple of episodes, and the rather bushy toupee he was forced to wear, will illustrate the Monkee mimicry beyond a shadow of a doubt." (page 225)

Anyway, since the Times quote was published, Shats has faced all kinds of in-your-face jokes about his toupee. He has even rhetorically asked "Do I wear a toupee?" in his autobiography Up Till Now. So, perhaps he doesn't see the issue quite as rigidly as he did only a few years ago - it really isn't like asking whether you have had a lobotomy, Bill, because in that case, you probably wouldn't have been able to give us a proper answer!