Monday, October 10, 2011

Bill Shatner mentions his "hair" in new book Shatner Rules.

It was a moment many of us will never forget. News breaks that Bill Shatner has mentioned the hair in his new book Shatner Rules. For a while at least, collective concerns over global economic woes evaporate.

Just one example: a baseball match in the US, where as the major story makes its way, one person at a time, through the stadium, we witness spontaneous elation and patriotic shouts of "USA!".

What is this really? Sourced here.

Not long ago we conducted a poll asking readers about their honest hopes regarding Bill Shatner's toupological disclosures in Shatner Rules.

52% believed that Bill Shatner might make some coded references, but nothing overt. Is that what we have here? A coded reference, or is it much more? Is it perhaps yet another step in the actor's extraordinary toupological journey from absolute denial to full revelation? As many of you have observed, Bill Shatner seemingly wants to do this on his terms, his way. No pushing, no "gotcha" questions from the "lace-scream media". And what we have in this book continues that trend. And we can only marvel at being privileged to witness the latest chapter in this extraordinary journey.

Page 11 of Shatner Rules features a sub-section entitled "William Shatner's Roast Insults and Rebuttals" referencing the lampooning the actor endured during the 2006 Comedy Central Roast of William Shatner (including the arguably rather bitter-toned toupee-related material coming from George Takei).

(Our deep thanks to reader "Tintorera" for the tip and scans!)

On the following page comes this short Q&A:

Q:What is that on your head?

A: My hair is actually writing its own autobiography,
Captain's Locks. I will reveal no spoilers in advance of publication.

A 2010 cover of USA Today - will one day the magnifying glass be moved up to the hair?

The brief exchange is extraordinary for a number of reasons. Firstly, it's important to underscore that this is Bill Shatner's own book - not an interview done in an uncontrolled environment. If this exchange is in it, it's because Bill Shatner wanted it there.

But what process led to its inclusion? Did co-writer Chris Regan ask the question or did Bill Shatner ask that it be asked? How well does Bill Shatner know Regan? Would this former The Daily Show writer really have felt comfortable bringing up a hair question by himself? "Hey, Bill can we do a hair question?" Icy stare.

"But I don't wear a hairpiece..." etc. etc. We doubt it. Bill Shatner had to make Regan know that permission was being granted; that it was OK to go there.

"What is that on your head?" - this is quite probably the first ever time in the history of mankind that Bill Shatner has acknowledged that the question is valid. What is that - as in "that thing" "that artifice" "that unnatural object". He's moved from asking the entirely rhetorical and one-sided "Do I wear a toupee?" to acknowledging that somebody else observing him could conceivably ask such a question; that his hair isn't so utterly convincing that to even ask him if it's a toupee would be "the stupidest question I've ever heard". That is a big step.

"Have I mentioned that I have a new book and CD out?"

"My hair is actually writing its own autobiography, Captain's Locks. I will reveal no spoilers in advance of publication." Bill Shatner then shows that he is continuing to lighten up over the whole baldness issue, having some fun with the fact that his toupees over the years have been so varied and so very fascinating, that an autobiography is entirely in order. If only Captain's Locks really were going to be the actor's next book!!

The end sentence "I will reveal no spoilers in advance of publication" is a brilliantly clever, and ever so slightly passive-aggressive, way of ending this particular conversation. "When it comes to my toupee, I'm in charge," Bill Shatner is saying, "and that's all you're getting (for now?)".

Now, as many of you will know, Bill Shatner has been all over the place lately promoting the aforementioned new book (and upcoming album). Which brings us to another rather amazing moment (thanks to reader "Thomas Jefferson Curly" for the tip!):

This is perhaps the greatest irony of Bill Shatner's toupee-wearing. It's actually gotten to the place where you have to know his hair isn't real in order to understand the rules of the road and avoid creating awkward moments like these. In a recent interview on a New York Fox affiliate, the poor female host apparently had no such idea, hence throwing Bill Shatner an innocent compliment about his "TJ Curly" years "I love you with the dark hair there," she interrupts:

Bill Shatner's reaction is priceless. His expression reveals shock, then a kind of "What is this - some sort of a hit job?" look (Bill Shatner misses seeing the image the woman was referring to) before finally settling into a rather meek "I don't know..."

In the spectator sport version of politics, one of the ultimate screw-ups for any candidate is the so-called "deer in the headlights" look. A politician is supposed to respond authoritatively to a given question or situation and instead they freeze up, revealing fear or uncertainty.

But Bill Shatner pretty much manages to avoid this fate with a skillful comeback worthy of JFK. After a several moments of uncertainty, the male host (perhaps sensing the awkwardness of the moment) interjects with "As you were saying..." but Bill Shatner has by then regained his composure and delivers a zinger: "I don't mind being interrupted by somebody who says you're looking good!" Phew!!

We'll take a closer look at Shatner Rules (including, as some of you have noted, some other more subtle hair references) at some point in the future and thanks, as always, for your tips and comments. For those of you eagerly awaiting our ST:TMP full toupological analysis, we're told it will definitely be published before the end of this month.

Shatner Rules is now on sale.


  1. James Toupeerius KirkOctober 10, 2011 at 6:07 PM

    ...hell yeah, I'm glad to read that the TMP-review is in progress...
    thumbs up for that, I knew that everybody wants TMP reviewed, just when the poll was open..

    Shat's face and the reaction on the "dark hair" speaks volumes.
    I wonder what was on the female host's mind - whether she was about to say "i like the hairpiece you were sporting in the mid-80s..."
    because seeing the pictures of Shatner in sequence with these harsh contrast leaves no doubt about artificial hair...

    great moment!


    James Toupeerius Kirk (a.k.a. T(oupee) J(erk) Hooker)

  2. Hi guys

    "the male host (perhaps sensing the awkwardness of the moment) "

    indeed i think the male host was a big fan of shatners, knew all his work etc (which the female host didnt) and knew the unintentional faux pas shed made and was trying to help shatner out of a hole.

    but then shatner came back with something

  3. My pleasure. Shatner Rules is a fun read. I hope you'll receive your copy in due course. Only Chapter 13 left me unsettled, but that has nothing to do with the hair (I'm German, you know...).

    However, I'm looking forward to Captain's Locks; I understand it will be a collab of his various toupees. I'm really curious what his dark T.J. Hooker Curls will confess and how they will defend their appearance in public, traumatising an innocent child like me.

  4. @tintorera - Might the movie "The Captains" have just been a dress-rehearsal for "Captain's Locks" (as both a book and a movie)? -ST

  5. OMG, a movie adaptation you say? Be still, my beating heart!
    Will his "real" hair perform, or will some ballsy young stunt-toups take over?
    Either way, I'm pretty excited now.

  6. Five captains, now five toupees! -ST

  7. shats own real syrupOctober 10, 2011 at 9:59 PM

    i am amazed that, no one has picked up, on bills hair comments. This is such a huge leap forward, for bill nothing coded, as is his way. This is quite amazing. And lets be honest, it was bills book, on his terms so lets never forget that.....hey william is joking about his toup, that in itself is absolutely priceless, the captain locks jab is talking about the hair, as those its no part of him.....this is done very much in a "why not" way. Fantastic. Yet again amazing work form @shattoupblog. And well done bill, at last some honesty about the hair. Remember this must have been hard for him.

  8. @shats own real syrup, I hope you're right about The Shat's willingness to poke fun at his rugs, but I think our pal Bill is actually playing a far deeper game than that. The roast made it impossible to ignore the issue completely, but Bill does the next best thing. Nowhere does he use the term "toupee," nor is he willing to quote anyone else using that word.

    Every reference in the book is made to his "hair," not to his toup.

    I believe he does this in the hopes that those not in the know could be persuaded that the roast gibes were directed at his hair's color or style, not its syntheticness.

  9. haha very interesting! By the way just saw a picture of Shatner and Nimoy - I wonder how much Shatner's insecurity about his lack of hair has to do with the fact that Nimoy has had an extremely thick head of hair his entire life.

    I think Nimoy has always made the Shat insecure anyway, so maybe the Shat overcompensated with the toupees in response.

  10. Ratty Lost Years PieceOctober 12, 2011 at 3:15 AM

    I'd like to see Shatner's hair autobiography written in the form of a "Choose Your Own Adventure": If you decide to wear the TJ Curly, turn to page 53.

  11. Thomas Jefferson CurlyOctober 12, 2011 at 12:22 PM

    Ratty - i still have a Star Trek "Choose Your Own Adventure" book!

    your right they should do one for shatner - the JK Lace choice (adventure would be all strange/eerie/twilight zoney featuring humanoid aliens ending well), the Ratty Lost Years piece (adventure would be low budget affair with killer spiders, witchcraft, genius detectives etc culminating in being sucked out a plane at 37,000 feet), a TJ Curly adventure (80s crime drama mixed with intergalactic time travel - ending with the destruction of your ship and loss of all hands) and a Denny Katz special (boring law story ending with you going senile)

  12. It might be fun to create those kid's card games for Bill Shatner's toupees: eg. The Jim Kirk Lace: Appearance 9, Strength 3, Endurance 1, Skill 7 etc. Which toup would get the highest score? -ST

  13. shats own real syrupOctober 13, 2011 at 12:37 AM

    @shattoupblog. I dont think, if this card game came out, the tj hooker toup would win many prizes. Indeed it was that, and the st: tmp. That got me believing that shatner wears a toup! So for well over 30 years i have known about the toup. Never thought it went back so far.but when about 15 years ago, i saw a video clip of him "singing" taxi that was from about 1970, i thought the hair did'ot look right, so i thought it must have started around then....boy was i ever wrong! thanks to this site, its opened my eyes, and i would like to thank both, @tintorera and @ thomas jefferson curly, who have helped, with their info to make this such a great update. And @stallion cornell, i do see your point the shat is a smart guy so this could be an admission non-admission, of lack of hair......what a smart swine that shat

  14. Thomas Jefferson CurlyOctober 13, 2011 at 2:23 PM

    i notice there are new star trek comics with the new crew that are retelling various original series episodes in the new 'alternate' universe drawn with the new actors likeness. im hoping one of the episodes they use is Deadly Years - that way they could draw Kirk at different stages with the various toups - The Lost Years piece as he gets to his 40s, the TJ Curly as he ages into his 50s until hes sporting the Denny Katz for old age

  15. shats own real syrupOctober 15, 2011 at 7:46 PM

    i think that shatner, should be sent to a toupee awareness group, so he can be fully aware of that thing, bolted to the top of his head. By the way, does anyone honestly believe that he will be totally open about his guess is no way.....but he is very slowly getting closer to it"captains locks" maybe as far as we ever get.

  16. Ratty Lost Years PieceOctober 16, 2011 at 1:59 AM

    @ Shat's own: Good point, but there was a time when we thought "Do I wear a toupee?" was as far as we'd get.

    @ST: The Lost Years Piece would win any toup-off on style points, ease of maintenance while living in a van, plus, it is resistant to killer spiders.

    Random rug ramblings:
    For the new book, "Shatner Rules," the remark about Bill's hair leads me to believe that "rules" is a noun, rather than a verb. Shatner is defining the rules of engagement for toupee discussions. It is literally his hair -- he has the receipt! Just like an amputee may refer to his prosthesis with a possessive pronoun, the Shat claims his synthetic hair as his own.

    I was curious to know exactly how much time Shatner has spent acquiring, maintaining, applying and removing toupees over the years. It must be significant. This video of a lace application lasts over 8 1/2 minutes: ...and that's only putting on the front! Interestingly, this video has a toupological easter egg between 0:12 - 0:14, revealing a blackboard with a lengthy equation, based on the 2nd law of thermodynamics. We see where ln(V2/V1) is the natural logarithm of the ratio of expanded volume to the initial volume, but the log is preceded by a curious constant, R-sub-S. Perhaps the s stands for Shatner. If so, then this "Shatner Constant" may represent the fluidic behavior of toupee glue under a hair system.

  17. shats own real syrupOctober 17, 2011 at 1:12 AM

    @ratty lost years piece: somet
    hing just came to my mind, i dont know if anyone remembers, but shatners roast, was back in 2006! This is two years before his "do i wear a toupee" comment. And also in them years he has point blank, said in newspaper interviews things like "and its not a toupee. Which he said, in a 2008 interview....and that not the only time after the roast, that he has done so..thinking on this shatner just keeps playing on words, without any real meaning.....even i got excited when i first saw this post. Having had quite a few days, to think about it, bill is just up to his old tricks.....same old....same old.

  18. Check this out Shattoupblog: