Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Toupee history.


The website startrekhistory.com is a subdivision of the William Shatner School of Toupological Studies*. It was established so that our experts would have a dedicated department exclusively focused on tracking down unused and discarded original Star Trek footage with a view to revealing some hitherto unknown Bill Shatner toupee secrets.

An example of their toupee restoration and enhancement work can be seen in a screengrab from the site (of the second Star Trek pilot episode) at the top of this post. The left image is a low quality work print - our toupologists were excited by what appeared to be a visible bald spot on Bill Shatner's head. The image was then enhanced, whereupon it was confirmed that rather than a bald spot, the patch in question was merely light reflected off Kirk's greased up toup.


As you our readers are now no doubt thinking, such work, though admittedly very costly, is simply invaluable in furtherance of our goal of fully understanding Bill Shatner's often mysterious and fascinating toupees.

Of course, in order to fund such work, startrekhistory.com also reluctantly engages in non-toup related Star Trek study. This same model can be applied to many of our sub-divisions: Microsoft was founded in order to provide better computing power to our touposcopes - that technology was then successfully transferred to the consumer market, enabling us to continue our work. NASA's Hubble Telescope spends half of its time gazing down from space studying Bill Shatner's head from above - the other 50% is spent gazing into the heavens.

Even as far back as 1971, our toupologists were working with NASA. Below was one of our earliest experiments as part of the Apollo 15 mission - an astronaut drops a hammer and a replica of Shatner's toupee (nicknamed "feather") on the moon. In the absence of atmosphere, will both fall at the same speed ? (Yes).



And at the dawn of the green age, much of the technology developed for our touposcope instruments is being transferred from capturing toupee information to capturing light for more efficient solar-panels.


Our most recent project is called a Hadron Collider. Here, we hope to smash a particle of Bill Shatner's real hair into a particle of toupee matter. Will a new follicle of Bill Shatner's hair be created? In order to fund this important experiment, the machine will also study other less interesting cosmic particles. We've had many delays, with some attributing sabotage (see this story) - could Bill Shatner be the culprit?

Hopefully all this helps our readers understand us a little better.

*not true - frankly, nor is anything else in this post. Startrekhistory.com is in no way related to Shatner's Toupee.

6 comments:

  1. how many toupees does Bill now own, since he had the hair transplant? it was rumoured that at one point in the 1990's, he had a massive arsenal of toups at his disposal.

    Perhaps this could be a future survey question: Should Bill Shatner have chosen a hair transplant or kept his toupee army at full force.

    The stealthy way he suddenly came out of nowhere wearing his own hair in 2000 was remarkable. No press releases, no television advertisements, nothing. Just Shat and his doctor-assisted homegrown hair, showing up like it was no big deal instead of the epoch-shattering event it was...

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  2. Toups make for very ineffective weapons, unless one sneaks up behind one's opponent and holds the toup over their mouth and nose until they pass out. That's probably why Mr Shatner gave up on the arsenal idea.

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  3. Or rather ... I think Shatner was sick of all the questions about toupees and how it's changed over the course of 30-40 years.

    He probably decided around that time that it would be better for him to stick with one basic look going forward.


    I would suspect all his previous toupees, hairpieces and wigs have been destroyed.

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  4. Ratty Lost Years PieceNovember 17, 2009 at 5:40 PM

    Dear Sirs:

    I am very impressed with the work of the Institute and would like to make a tax-deductable donation.

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  5. Wow, I didn't know that even Bill Gates was such a dedicated toupologist. I'm very impressed and deeply obliged to you. Keep up the good work!

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  6. Toupee research baased civilization. I simply had no idea. Maybe by the 23rd century toupees will be no longer a taboo, and Cpt. Kirk will wear one proudly if he needs it :>

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