Thursday, July 15, 2010

Toupee poetry.

Last week, we examined the period in 1969 when, after more than a decade of faithful service, Bill Shatner bid a fond farewell to his beloved "Jim Kirk lace". Pointing to a moving performance of "It was a Very Good Year"on the the Mike Douglas Show, we asked whether the lyrics to that song contained a subtext in which Bill Shatner was reflecting upon his hair-loss and his beloved toup.

Well, reader "Unanimous" took it one step further, coming up with a wonderfully poetic set of alternative lyrics:

When I was seventeen
I still had very good hair
I still had very good hair that would stand up well
Under studio lights
However bright
They might have been
When I was seventeen

When I was twenty-one
I still had pretty good hair
I still had pretty good hair, though fewer curls
Didn't yet need to wear
A rug to keep my career
From coming undone
When I was twenty-one

When I was thirty-five,
I didn't have such good hair
I didn't have such good hair for leading man roles
In films and TV
A toup was necessary
To keep my image alive
When I was thirty-five

But now the toup is short
Or are they transplants up there?
And when I think of my piece from vintage Trek
The fine old lace
Captain Kirk wore in space
So his scalp wasn't bare
That was some very good hair

And now either he or someone else (let us know!) has produced a video, subtitled with these very lyrics:

All of us at the William Shatner School of Toupological Studies and its public information department Shatner's Toupee applaud such creativity. As we've suggested here many times, Bill Shatner's toupee offers the prospect of everything from personal redemption, to artistic flourishing, to world peace to those who chose to study and be inspired by its true meaning!


  1. As for this appearance. As it was recorded on video tape, you can seen the fakeness of the toupee. On film, in the OS, that's not so apparent.

  2. Many thanks for your kind words. Your excellent and philosophically profound blog serves as an inspiration to all of us who really care about the Big Questions. Now if only someone could persuade Mr Shatner to perform this version of the song ...

  3. Bah! Shatner doesn't wear a toupee.

  4. Agreed, Anonymous. All I see here in this blog is speculation and heresay. I want to see actual proof. Until then, Shatner's hair is real to me. I just cannot accept otherwise.

  5. Exactly. On another blog, I asked for proof that the Earth was not hollow at its center. No one could provide me with such evidence. It is astonishing the lack of scientific rigor that exists in society today, that individuals can claim virtually anything without being able to back it up. I will continue to believe the Earth is hollow and that Shatner's hair has always been 100% real.

  6. I see. You're just making fun of me, aren't you.

  7. The world IS hollow. And I have touched the sky.